Regret

I wanted to die, Sink into the dirt and die.
The nervous/shaky words you managed to choke out.
“This is her…” The phrase that taunts me.
What did I expect?
Was I supposed to ask you not to avoid me,
Even when I cheated?
Yet I have to handle this with maturity..
As much as I want to scream at you
And cry at the same time.
Could I have ran away?
What a rude thing to do.
But I had to greet her.
Using every muscle just trying to smile.
Can I leave now? I was tempted to ask.
As I hugged you and whispered in your ear.
“I hope your happy with her.”
And then having to her glare at me.
Then walking away in tears.
Another good thing I fucked up?
You can say that.
Another thing I regretted?
Of course…

Ache

As I write crying…
Wondering how much damage has been done.
Insecure, confused, alone.
One guy to the next.
You think I’d learn.
One I fall for..
Another one that leaves me..
Is there something wrong with me?
I must be cursed.
I’m so young.
I shouldn’t even be involved in this.
Yet it’s impossible to be pulled away.
One falls in love with me.
I silently question why endlessly.
What’s special about me?
A question I should ask someone..
Yet I fear the answer.
Then you leave me.
My self-confidence.
Shattered yet again.
Another cycle continues.
On to the next.
You’d think I’d quit.
You’d also think I’d enjoy the hurt.
Should I blame them?
Should I hate the ones who hurt me in the past?
Still silently crying..
Why…